Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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