This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
