she woke up with a sticky ear
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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