Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize