watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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