FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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