dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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