So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
