Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize