anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
