My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
