please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
