Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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