I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
