Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You are a genius and a whore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
