yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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