Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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