There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
