you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
