first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
