my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
