oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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