I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
