I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
