I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
