I wish my penis had an off switch
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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