I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
