So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
