Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
