Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
