I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
