please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
