The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
