I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
