dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So. Much. Porn.
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