my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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