I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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