i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
