How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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