You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
