this boner is exhausting
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
