I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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