Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
