just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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