Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
