I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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