i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
