i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
