when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
