I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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