We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
