the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
