My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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