I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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