My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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