Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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