i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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