i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
