My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
