I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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