The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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