hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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