I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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