Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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